Our own mythology, and so it is written.

Good morning, Coug fans!

I can’t believe we’re already at week 6! Time is just flying by. And you didn’t think I’d let this week pass without making sure I properly make fun of our opponents, the University of Spoiled- I mean, University of Southern California Trojans, did you?

Let’s walk down a specifically curated version of memory lane- Cougs vs. Trojans edition.

Obviously I’m going to start with 2017. A fun personal anecdote, since I’ve been peppering those in here lately, is that victorious 30-27 upset fell during my freshman year of college. I had figured out how to get the game on the TV in my dorm room (yes, my college dorms were apartment style, no, we don’t need to talk about that right now) and I was thrilled. The game was close, and I had roped two of my roommates into watching with me. Until the fire alarm went off. Someone had been making popcorn in their microwave two or three floors above me, and it had literally caught fire. My roommate Rachel (shout out to Rachel if you’re reading this) had to physically drag me out of the building, at which time I had switched the game to a radio app I had on my phone. I’ll never forget walking down the stairs of my building, in head to toe Coug gear with my WSU blanket wrapped around my shoulders, listening and then screaming as Erik Powell nailed the 33 yard field goal to bring the score to 20-17.

Clearly we were all fine and the fire situation was quickly resolved, but I was standing outside jumping and screaming, and probably scaring the majority of my dorm residents for the majority of the third and fourth quarters. Perhaps I should take a similar approach tomorrow?

You might also remember 2013, where we were able to defeat USC 10-7. Even though we finished 6-7 that season, it had some of my favorite guys on our roster. This game in particular had Andrew Furney’s perfect beautiful amazing 41 yard field goal to win the game. Glorious to remember.

But what is actually up with USC? The USC mascot, according to google, is a white horse called “Traveler” with a Trojan warrior on top. While there are obvious condom puns I could be making, I am going to shift instead to Greek mythology. Yeah, USC students probably read the Iliad, which is unsurprising to me because the epic poem is noted for casting off any female characters. Kinda sexist, Homer. Kinda sexist, USC.

I have to be honest, the main reason I’m avoiding condom jokes is because the Trojan war and the Peloponnesian war are entirely different wars, but the play Lysistrata is set during the Peloponnesian war, where the women of the warring cities were prompted to withhold sex in order to end the war. There are so many JOKES I could be making about not needing condoms, especially Trojans, and how USC students probably don’t need to be told to abstain from anything anyway since who wants to get that close to a USC student anyway- it practically writes itself. But you can’t rewrite history. Despite my grueling efforts.

If we’re talking incredible history, however, let’s pivot back to WSU’s 1934 win with a final score of 19-0. Orin E. Hollingbery, also known as “Babe” led the ‘34 team to a fantastic victory in LA! That is the kind of history I want to repeat itself.

Also, and this one is a bit more low hanging, but since we were talking about ponies- is the mascot supposed to represent the Trojan horse, game winning strategy used by the Greeks to secure the bag at the gates of Troy, or IS USC Troy? According to my research- they are Troy. In which case, again, I wish this was the Peloponnesian war so I could make the “we are Sparta” joke, but alas. I’m not mad if in this actual scenario, we can be compared to say- Hercules, or Odysseus, which is cool, but I want to yell about Sparta.

Overall, if we can learn anything from history, it’s that Emma had too much free time as a child, and sometimes it’s a mistake to underestimate the underdog. Go Cougs.

Links

A Grip on Sports: Challenges await this weekend for the Cougars and for those who want to watch the M’s and everyone else | The Spokesman-Review
A GRIP ON SPORTS • There is a lot going on. Might as well try to cover as much of it as possible.

Bears Claim Victory Over Cougars – California Golden Bears Athletics
Roy Scores Twice To Take Down Washington State 2-1

Momentum halted: Cougar men’s golf goes from first to 12th – The Daily Evergreen
Hoping to follow up an impressive performance at the Husky Invitational, WSU men’s golf failed to show out, placing 12th at the Mark Simpson Colorado Invitational on Monday and Tuesday. The Boulder-hosted, Mark Simpson invitational saw the same lineup as they had in the Husky Invitational for the Cougs, this time led by Pono Yanagi….

Here is the latest Pac-12 Conference sports news from The Associated Press | National Sports | corsicanadailysun.com
TEMPE, Ariz. (AP) — Quarterback Michael Penix Jr. didn’t have his best game last weekend. Neither did his Washington Huskies. Coach Kalen DeBoer doesn’t expect a repeat performance when the

Billings Scarlets baseball standout Kyler Northrop commits to Washington State | Legion Baseball | 406mtsports.com
Northrop, a 6-foot-2 junior shortstop, announced via Twitter that he’d be playing for the Cougars.

Cougs to face off against new-look USC | Columbia Basin Herald
PULLMAN — With a 4-1 start to the year, Washington State University will now take on its toughest opponent to date – the sixth-ranked University of Southern California Trojans – on Saturday.

The Trojans, 5-0 on the year and 3-0 in Pac-12 play, revamped their team with the additions of head coach Lincoln Riley along with an array of transfers headlined by quarterback Caleb Williams.

“They have used the portal, and I think the biggest thing that doesn’t get enough attention is portal usage of quality for defensive players,” WSU head coach Jake Dickert said of the USC transfers in a press conference Wednesday.